Dr. Julio Brionez (he/him)

Folks usually reach out when they have been attached to a deeply entangled, painful story and feel they are a burden to others. The pattern is usually one of hiding as they try to appear 'fine' and suppress their needs or manage their pain entirely alone to 'protect' the people around them. They arrive exhausted and self-judgmental; the work, so to speak, is how to help them drop this fight against themselves, make peace with their pain, and actually allow themselves to be supported without feeling guilty.

A lot of cats (person slang instead of folks/people) see a lack of motivation or someone not pulling their weight on a team or in a relationship as intentional quitting. In my opinion, the person is struggling with anxious/fearful thoughts that convince them that their presence, questions, or struggles are a burden to those around them. They withdraw to "protect" others, which, from the outside, looks like they don't care.

I'd, selfishly(?), love it if folks, after working with me for a few sessions would describe a shift in how they view their right to exist in the world, They would say " Therapy assisted me to realize I am allowed and earned the space I am in, I do not have to earn my right to be supported, I'm am learning how to live a life that feels authentic to me, completely unapologetically

From working with folks who describe themselves as high-achievers or perfectionists, I notice a pervasive, unspoken rule among them: If I am capable, I shouldn't need help. Top performers often carry a massive sense of burden. They convince themselves that because they are the 'expert' or the 'rock,' sharing their struggles is an unfair burden on their team or loved ones. I wish they understood that being ‘hooked’ by a part of that says motivation through fear doesn't make you stronger or a better leader—it just makes you lonelier and more prone to breakdown. Motivation through love has no cap. Asking for, needing, unconditional support isn't a lapse in competence; it is a biological human requirement.

I think excellence and success are byproducts of a safe internal environment, rather than something you have to punish yourself into. So many people believe the ruthless inner critic is the only thing keeping them successful. I approach growth from the opposite direction: true excellence happens when you embrace self-compassion and decouple your worth from your productivity. In the room, that means helping folks realize they do not have to constantly earn the right to take up space. Once they stop following the critical thought/voice and follow the part of them that leads to care/love, their growth that follows is actually sustainable.

When achievement is disconnected from our values, we humans pay for it with our nervous system and our relationships. We follow thoughts that, well-meaning, lead us to trade our authentic identity for a resume; we replace genuine connection with transactional worth, and we burn out because our inner critic tells us that resting is a weakness. Ultimately, the cost is spending one's whole life trying to earn one's right to space, rather than actually living in it.

For better or worse, usually worse, it is imperative to learn. We, humans, cannot out-mindset a culture that monetizes our worth. We live in a society that constantly reinforces the idea that our value as human beings is tied to our productivity. When cats/folks struggle to rest or feel guilty for not achieving more, that is not just a 'flawed mindset'—those are well-meaning yet unhelpful thoughts/stories/schemas that trigger our nervous system, which accurately responds to a cultural environment that demands relentless output to earn safety and respect. It is incredibly hard to practice self-compassion in a system designed to profit from your self-doubt.

The most helpful shift occurs when a person learns to stop trying to 'fix' themselves. For years, they have been in a tug-of-war with anxiety, imposter syndrome, or unhelpful emotions, believing they have to completely eradicate those feelings before they can perform well or be happy. The turning point is the moment they drop the rope. They realize they do not have to evict their inner critic; they learn it is useful to stop letting it drive the car. The relief of realizing, 'I can feel completely inadequate right now, and still do the thing anyway,' is entirely life-changing."

When high-achieving cats (person slang instead of folks/people) and humans stop producing—even to rest for a bit—their nervous system often panics. Simply existing without generating value feels genuinely dangerous. That is when I use Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) frameworks in concert with one another. We use ACT's principle of experiential acceptance to help the person sit with that intense discomfort, while simultaneously using CFT to activate their soothing system. I help them build the capacity to tolerate fear-based thoughts and cognitions and ease into the radical experience of being kind to themselves without having to pay for it with productivity—while directing genuine self-compassion toward the inner critic screaming at them to get back to work.

In my work, I actually find the concept of self-confidence unhelpful. I understand traditional self-confidence to be highly conditional. It operates on the trap of needing to "feel well to do well." When you rely on self-confidence, the moment a difficult emotion arises, or a harsh, critical thought hooks you—"I’m not qualified for this," or "They are going to realize I’m a fraud"—that confidence completely shatters. Because it relies on feeling good, it inherently demands that you suppress, avoid, or fight off your self-doubt before you can take action. It turns your inner life into a constant battleground. This is why I frame the shift from chasing confidence to cultivating self-compassion. I prefer to focus on self-love and self-compassion because, unlike confidence, compassion is unconditional. It provides a secure base that does not require you to feel good or to be unbothered by your thoughts in order to take meaningful action.